Eternal Serendipity????

So, I've been encouraged to write. Good stuff, bad stuff, all stuff. I've procrastinated to the point that I've internalized my entire life. And, I wonder what advantage that has given me. Sure, I've kept my life fairly private. Only a few close friends know the "real" me... However, much has been lost in the translation of my life. And, I'm afraid the transcriptionist has left mountains of unfinished life lessons.

Serendipity is a propensity for making fortuitous discoveries while looking for something unrelated. I named this blog "Eternal Serendipity" so that I would always remember that as a child of Spirit, I have this ability to ALWAYS find the good in things along the way to a different discovery. Do I always practice this? No, unfortunately. I have dutifully chosen to live my life in the duality of humanity and spirit. The toughest part is to always find the good.

I am a "cutter." I have been for a long time. To take a blade to my skin doesn't mean a damn thing to me. People think I do it for attention or any other selfish reason. I do it for two reasons. One is so that I don't hurt anyone as much as the pain that I'm feeling and the second reason is because I don't put a lot of stock into my physical body. I don't know that I've ever had a "whole" body. Can you truly have a whole body if your sperm donor takes your virginity at the tender age of 4 and covers it up for years? All those years that I thought it was ME that was fucked up and making horrible relationship choices, I've come to realize were years and decisions that I was reenacting the scenes from my childhood. Fairly sick if you ask me.

So, here I am at the end of yet another relationship. He is a good man. However, "we" are not a good combination. A friend used the analogy that if one of us were baking soda and the other was vinegar that we do marvelous things on our own... but if you combine us you get a fairly volatile reaction. I think that is a great analogy. And, this time around, I did learn the whole "reenactment of my childhood" thing. So, hopefully if there is ever another love in my life, I will be able to catch those warning signs before five years have gone by.

I think that the parents of little girls should teach them truth, honesty, and independence... and maybe that those stupid fairy tales are just stories that are told at bedtime and never really happen. Just my opinion.

~Shanelle